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I stand in an empty field
A cool summer breeze fills the air
The trees wisp back and forth
My body begins to sway too
My thoughts are blank
I feel nothing
I’m alone and yet I don’t realize it
Why can’t I feel anything?
I dont even know how I got here
But I have no reason to move
So why should I?
It’s pointless
The sky fades into the darkness
The moon shines brightly
It’s so quiet
The crickets don’t even dare to make a sound
As the wind begins to pickup, the air grows colder
I place my hands in my pocket to keep them warm
I go to put my left hand in, but I can’t
Something is in the way
A bad feeling fills my body
I reach in and pull something out
I knew it
This is not good
how did this get here
It was my knife
The blade of relief, as I called it
Haunting visions of last year flash before me
My wrists begin to burn
I can’t take this
Not again
Sparks of fire fly past me
Burning through my skin
Leaving more scars
My life is full of scars
I have to get rid of this knife
I try to throw it away from me
But my hand wont let go
I wont let go
I can’t
Not yet
What did I do to deserve this?
Will this ever go away?
I fall to my knees and begin to cry
I hate this
It hurts so much
I made the mistakes
And I paid the consequences
But why is this still happening
I continue to sit there and cry
Theres only one thing I can do
Its the only thing I know how to do
I lift myself up off the ground
Pick up my black notebook
And walk away into the darkness
Thinking to myself…
One day everything will be ok
But until that day all I can do is…
Walk away and wait.