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I can see myself, I am walking outside to the concrete behind the deck, I look up into the sky, everything around me swirls into a blur, I fall to my knees, head facing the ground, I just sat there as the snow fell onto my back, each snowflake carrying the weight of the world, stabbing me as they soaked into my coat, I just sit there wondering how like could be this bad, I don’t move from that spot, I can’t move, I just sit there, and cry.